Silver Screenwriting Competition, complete with “scorecard”

I don’t recall which draft I submitted to this year’s Silver Screenwriting Competition (apparently one that needed work), but here’s a peek at the results. I felt the reader’s attempt at a logline missed the mark and the gist of the script, but oh well. That’s show biz, baby.

Title: THE SLEEPING DEEP

Name: Jeffrey Blake Palmer

Advanced to the next round: No

LOG LINE: Charlotte uncovers more than she bargained for in Hokum Bog, while Kevin is intent on proving that Jennie is still alive.

Dear Jeff,

Thank you for entering the Silver Screenwriting Competition.

We’re sorry to say that your script, THE SLEEPING DEEP, was not chosen to advance to the quarterfinals.

THE SLEEPING DEEP is a fun thriller in the vain of THE HAUNTING OF MOLLY HARTLEY, and U-TURN. Charlotte’s naïve journey is underscored nicely with Kevin’s derailing at the hands of Hokum Bog.

However, if you choose to rewrite THE SLEEPING DEEP, this reader would recommend getting into Kevin and Charlotte’s specific journey sooner. While Jennie’s disappearance is a great opening for the film, Charlotte’s specific 2nd Act Adventure needs to be clear before page 30. Also, Charlotte and Kevin’s journeys could to be intertwined earlier.

We wish you the best of luck with your future writing endeavors.

They also included this nifty screenplay scorecard so I can see where The Sleeping Deep “needs work” or was “good”.

SSC_ScoreCard

Hollywood legend William Goldman put it best about this business when he said, “No one knows anything.”

I could go on (and on and on)… but I’ll bow out with grace and leave it at that.

~ Jeff


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3 Responses to “Silver Screenwriting Competition, complete with “scorecard””

  1. I’ve got no grace. :)

    Let’s make it clear, that’s the logline THEY wrote after reading the script? Holy crap. That logline sucks. And who’s the pro?

    Secondly, the misspelled “vein” — as “in the vein of”. Unless they meant “in the excessive-pride of”.

    Jeeze.

  2. Wish I could edit. Should be “they”. :P

  3. runningfornow Says:

    Yeah, that logline was pretty weak, and has me wondering if they read the script from front to back. You never know. It just sounds really vague.

    Oh well. Moving on.

    In fairness, the draft I submitted could have been an earlier one at 119 pages so that may have been a factor. Although I’m fairly certain the version they read was a more recent draft.

    No matter. The jury is still out on another 30 or so festivals. Stay tuned!

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